Are Human Relationships Selfish…?

As the world keeps evolving and the world goes deeper into civilization, everything around us is changing. Well, everything except human relationships.

Stuck in the endless struggle of life, one may ponder – is a selfless human relationship possible – with no expectations, rights or duties? Can there be a relationship where there is scope for complete selfless deeds?

They say the strongest bonds are often ignored. The first bond anyone establishes in life is their bond with their family; the family who right from the time of your birth grooms you and teaches you with the hope that you will become a great person one day, and make them proud. Expectations run high when the kid steps into the world of ‘Education’. Later in life, peer relationships set in. Mutual benefits and acquaintances dominate this phase.

Within no time, one grows up, and will be falling in love, time and again, with hopes of receiving the love back. Soon, there will be fights about how one is unable to find time or is unhappy. It transforms into an infinite loop of desire, expectations, needs and ego.

So the question arises – Why should anyone even bother for human relationships?

The answer lies in our creator, the Universe. It created everything to satisfy some need, some selfish adventure, or even our own existence. Plants keep animals alive by feeding them and enabling them to breathe. The sun gives light, keeps the world running and keeps spinning our cycle of day and night. The rains are responsible to irrigate our fields.

The same structure is followed in human relationships. At the core of this is a word called ‘care’. The golden rule is that where there is care, there are repercussions. When the mother spends day and night caring for the child, there is always an involuntary hope that the child will fulfill her expectations when he grows up. If care is taken to be a positive phenomenon, expectations would be the negative side of it. The ultimate goal is balance.

Acquaintances and modern relationships are driven by intense competition in the peer world. Everyone understands, openly or secretly, that we are in the hunt for more and more reap able resources.

The most intense form of human bonds is the romantic relationship. How people feel about romance breaks all bonds of hypocrisy. One’s being in a relationship or not changes one’s perspective completely. It is the most beautiful thing in times of happiness and can easily become the most painful when bad times arrive. Again, a balance is necessary. The more intense the feelings are, the more fragile the relationship becomes. If someone is selfish enough to want such an experience, is there any harm in it?

Every relationship we form, be it with our parents or friends, our watchman or our partner, have so many said and unsaid selfish needs. It is only practical. Is it unethical? No, it isn’t. Is it necessary? Yes. Ironically, it is the direct cause of civilization.

At the end of the day, we are mortal living beings and our breed is especially known for its greed and selfishness. So, let us explore our relationships with a little more clarity and awareness of what we want from them.

Suman Barua

T.E. - I.T.